turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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