watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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