This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
