Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
