i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i think my cat just said my name.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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