I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
