You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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