the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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