How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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