I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
