I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
