I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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