I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
