The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize