Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
