i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
