I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize