What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
