I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
