my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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