I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
