i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
