what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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