That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
