pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
