i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
