im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
