I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
