You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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