I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
