oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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