I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
