I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
