We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
