sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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