I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
