It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize