is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
