i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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