Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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