My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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