I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
