I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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