At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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