break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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