just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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