i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
