she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
