I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
