I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
