remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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