Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
