i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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