windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
