Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
