Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
