i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
