Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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