The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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