covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
