the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
