I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
