That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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